I never really speak much of my friends on here, but let me assure you I have some. Introducing a new feature on the blog.

It all began in Canada on a muggy Saturday in September 1978. 81 years prior the first traffic fatality Was recorded, and on this day a little hell’s angel was born. Things for MagDa didn’t go Well for her when she was a baby. She was originally born to be a sacrifice for the fire god “Agni”, but her Mother saveD her at the last moment and hid her in a bread box till she was 14.

Only for 3 hours Was she let out of her box and only on her birthday. Here is the only known photo of Magda as a child, taken on her birthDay.

She received most of her education from the back of cereal boxes that her mother also stored in the box. Her first Words were “Theeerrrreeee Ggggrrreeeaaaatttt!”

She soon becaMe lonely and inventeD friends that she could talk to. Magda and her 3 imaginary friends, “Snap, Crackle and Pop”, soon became obsessed With escape froM the box. They spent years Dreaming up plans and draWing Many elaborate Diagrams for escape and one year on her birthday she almost succeeded. Unfortunately the fence Was too high and her dress MaDe out of a Count Chocula box got snagged on barbed Wire. It would take another 11 years before she atteMpted her Daring escape again.

67 days before her 15th birthday Magda escaped. This time instead of draWing up plans and such, she siMply pusheD the door of the box and it opened. In fact of all the years she was kept there, the box Was never locked. I guess that Maybe when your eDucated from the back of Lucky Charms and Cheerios boxes your not the sharpest tool in the shed.

She escaped into the night and a record of the next 6 years is still a mystery. Some speculate that she joined Al-Qaeda, or became a street magician. What we do know is she soMehow re-eDucated herself and went to college. She got her degree in English with a minor in pole dancing.

You Would think things would of gotten better for the cursed child, but they didn’t. After getting run out of Canada for repeatly saying such phrases as “You know what I Mean” and “eh?” she moveD to Taiwan to fulfill her dream as an educator.

She soon lapsed from failed relationship to failed relationship, never able to find true love. Lost and not knowing Where to turn, Magda turned to her eDucation. She changed her name to “Bunny” and became a stripper.

She did Well as a dancer making large sums of Money. She was soon living a life of luxury. Every weekenD she would be buying new expensive things. She holds the worlds record for the largest collection of blue/yellow straws.

Stripper life for Bunny soon took its tole on her. She soon became a nervous reck and couldn’t cope. She continued to dance for 42 days before she collaped from exhaustion. At this point she had to check herself into a hospital. She was treated for paper cuts and Red Bull addiction.

While being treated she Met a brilliant well enDowed man named Frost. Frost was in the same hospital for a relapse of his peanut butter addiction. Through his teachings and Wisdom, Bunny, now renaMeD Magda found what she has been looking for her entire life. What that is I have no freakin idea, but it sure seemed to help.

She got a job at the same place Frost Works, and continues to hold onto her sanity. No one knows what the future holds for MagDa, but if the past is any indication, buy plenty of water and toilet paper and kiss your ass goodbye.

That is my friend Magda. I’m not sure if the above story actually happened to her, but what a great story to tell the grandkids if it had. Magda has her quirks, but in the end I am glad to know her. Here is a real picture of her. As you can tell her past hasn’t fucked her up too much.

Find the hidden message!

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 27th, 2006 at 9:52 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.