If your reading this and you don’t know who Chuck Norris is, please leave and never return. Chuck Norris is one bad ass mother-(shut your mouth!)…but I’m just talking about Chuck Norris(and we can dig it).

There is a lot of things that people don’t know about Chuck Norris. Hundreds of facts which will help you appreciate his awesomeness. And so I present to you, some Chuck Norris facts. Enjoy!

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.

Chuck Norris once fought off 42 ninjas blindfolded, while having sex with 3 women.

Chuck Norris can divide by Zero

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the “Circle of Life.”

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin’ about.

Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

“Brokeback Mountain” is not just a movie. It’s also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem– It wouldn’t take shit from anybody.

Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.

They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be “Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick.”

Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What’s that? You say there’s no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn’t think so either.

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