A couple of days ago emKid called me up and asked if I wanted to play some laser tag and naturally I’m all like “Hell Yeah!” He told me a new place recently opened up in Taipei called “Lazer Treks” (located on the 4th floor of the K-Mall Building which is next to the Mitsukoshi Building, across from Taipei Main Train Station, their phone number is (02)2388-6565). emKid told me is was going on Thursday and I should meet up with him. The last time I played laser tag was little over 10 years ago, when I went to this place near my high school everyday Wednesday for buy one get one free day. I was pretty good at it too, but after 10 years I knew I would be a little rusty.

When I showed up around 3pm he was already in a game so I got the tour of the place. It’s a pretty nice place with a bar/snack area, nice seats to lounge in between games. The packs you wear are pretty standard, they kind look like life jackets with sensor bars in the front and the back. Using my years of experience I knew exactly how to shoot and cover. I had the perfect strategy too. What you do is sidestep when you walk leading with your shoulder while your back is towards the wall. You use your forearm to cover one sensor while the other one is holding the gun near your cheek. The gun hand is also partially covering one sensor so your pretty much set. Some may call this cheating, but those are the people who lost to me.

While waiting for the first game to start up, Tetsuo showed up and joined us. We played 4 games in total and using my not-cheating superior strategy I was able to win 2 out of the 4 games. Afterwards we were all tired and sweaty, so next time I’ll be sure to bring a towel or at least an extra shirt. While it’s not cheap enough to go all the time (4 games is $599NT) it’s definitely something I’ll be doing a couple times a month. After the break comes the pictures, so click the link below.

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I came home last night from heavy drinking to a discover an unusual thing. I get lazy sometimes and don’t do my dishes directly after using them. I am really bad when it comes to cups. Plates, forks, spoons, you name it and I wash them right away but not cups.

Anyways, when I came home I discovered sitting on the lip of my cup a tiny tiny snail just chillin. I tried talking to it, I asked it several questions, tried to discuss the weather, but you know how snails can be. He just sat there looking all smug enjoying his new home and ignoring me. Well… I wasn’t gonna put up with this shit, so I ripped him off of my cup and threw him out the window. Don’t these things learn from my previous actions that I don’t allow such things in my home?

Here is a picture of him looking like he owns the place.

Lack of updates lately. Kinda lazy to think of funny things to say. Maybe a joke will inspire me to write more often.

Two men are talking in the bar sharing their sob stories. One man says, “I had the worst Freudian slip the other day.”

The other man responds, “What the hell is a Freudian slip?” “You know,” says the first man. “It’s when you mean to say one thing, but you say something else that reveals what you are really thinking about.

Like the other day I was at the airport, and this really sexy lady was helping me. Instead of asking her for ‘two tickets to Pittsburgh,’ I asked her for ‘two pickets to Tittsburgh.” The second replies, “Oh, now I know what you are talking about. It’s like the other day when I was having breakfast with my wife. I wanted her to pass me the orange juice, but instead I said, ‘You ruined my life, bitch!’”

So today I start my Chinese classes that I have been putting off for almost 2 years. I signed up for the classes about a month ago and already paid so no backing out now. It’s a 3 month semester that is 5 days a week, 2 hours a day. Hopefully being here for so long, I’ll have a jump start on everyone else in the class. I’ll keep all 5 of you up to date as the days pass. Now pictures of the books.

If your reading this and you don’t know who Chuck Norris is, please leave and never return. Chuck Norris is one bad ass mother-(shut your mouth!)…but I’m just talking about Chuck Norris(and we can dig it).

There is a lot of things that people don’t know about Chuck Norris. Hundreds of facts which will help you appreciate his awesomeness. And so I present to you, some Chuck Norris facts. Enjoy!

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.

Chuck Norris once fought off 42 ninjas blindfolded, while having sex with 3 women.

Chuck Norris can divide by Zero

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the “Circle of Life.”

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin’ about.

Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

“Brokeback Mountain” is not just a movie. It’s also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem– It wouldn’t take shit from anybody.

Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.

They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be “Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick.”

Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What’s that? You say there’s no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn’t think so either.

I like my scooter. Everything was going good, until that day. Let me tell you about it with a poem.

‘Twas the night before Tuesday, when all through my house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. I was all warm and snug in my bed, with thoughts of Asian porn still dancing in my head. When outside there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Away to the front window I flew like a flash, opened the window to see what crashed. When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a black Mercedes Benz, with a driver filled with beer. With a drunk driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be some Taiwanese prick. More rapid than mosquitos my curses they came, and I screamed, and shouted, and called him bad names; “You fuckhead! You dipshit! You jerkoff, and cocksucker! You jackass! You asshole! You dumbshit and motherfucker! To the top of my lungs! My voice bounced off the wall! Now stay right there! Stay right there! For the police I shall call!”

I sprang towards the door, but his engine gave a whistle, and away he flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, as he was quite the yeller, “I learned how to drive from my teacher, Helen Keller!” -The End

16 scooters were trashed that night, mine included. The Benz was a rental, but luckily some people were close by and got the plate numbers. He did a lot of damage to not only scooters, but to the road and street signs. He was caught and his insurance has agreed to cover all costs for repairs. What did they do to him you might ask? Slap on the wrists. Now the pictures.

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This is my mug. Well it’s not really a mug, it’s actually a cooking oil mug/dispenser, but I converted it to something awesome. I used to use glasses, but they like to fall down and break. Now with my awesome mug/sippy cup, I don’t have to worry about it. Plastic is tough to break.

I put a lot of things in my sippy cup, like soda, and water, and juices. Awesome! Here is a picture of my mug. Bask in all its glory!

You don’t think my mug is awesome and this is an interesting post? Then fuck you! More sippy cup for me!